my past

you are the reason my mind wonders and my pride does not settle.

why my words flow, my mouth smiles and why my heart grows.

if it wasn't for you i would walk oblivious through a forrest of open arms not knowing how to embrace them...

so thank you...to my past. 

nothing breaks a heart better than the walls built between family.

option 'a'

i'd have to say that for 2011 most of the time i went with option A. if you don't know what i'm talking about you'll have to read below. this is a continuation of 'options'


struggle, distance, control. 


for me it's the best way to move on. to let go of the weakness that threatens my security. accepting there are things in life i can not always make easy allows my body to struggle yet provides me with peace of mind. it's a pretty solid balance and it usually gets me by. but please beleive i can lose it in a hot minute. sometimes the frustrations are too much. i swear to God, i am about 2 rejections away from applying at McDonald's but at the risk of receiving that rejection letter i will keep struggling where i am.


distance. it is the best way to find solid ground. the further i remove myself from the things that are ailing me the better i can see the solution. solitary confinement is often appealing. but i usually just end up on a treadmill. distancing myself from those things provides me with the ability to control how i react internally. 


control on every level you are able to you. it's where i smash the feeling of helplessness. where i remind myself i do not owe one minute of my life. i am as free as i am willing and i refuse to lose control.


so struggle, distance and control. and when that doesn't work it's usually onto option C.