i'm up later than usual. i'm trying to get my words written. i know if i don't i will lay awake while they run through my head. i've got that feeling in my stomach. i'm so happy to look back having made some incredible memories but at the same time my throat has that kind of "might cry" lump because i wonder if some of those moments and memories are the last of their kind.
i rolled my window down to wave goodbye because for some unusual reason she wanted to watch me pull away- she never did that. as i looked out my passenger side i saw her peek through her screen door and wave. it's that feeling in my stomach. the lump in my throat shifted instantly to a deep breath, while my eyes welled up with tears and i held it in afraid to exhale, a part of me knew that was going to be the last time i waved goodbye to mary.
yesterday afternoon i sat alone on the deck of one of my favorite places in the world. i listened to the leaves as the wind tried to rip them free from their branches and i wondered if one of my angels was telling me to pay attention. it's that feeling in my stomach. the lump in my throat rose, my eyes felt warm with tears and my mind flooded with memories. just like the branches desperately held onto their leaves i pulled in every memory from that lake as if they might rip from my mind. i could have sat there for hours and watched the lake turn from glass to white caps and everything in between until the sun finally surrendered to the moon.
it's funny how your heart will attach itself, how you'll fall in love with something over and over and never even realize it.
that was the last time i waved goodbye to mary.
it's that feeling
…in your stomach…
you better pay attention.
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