not quite 30

so linda wrote a blog about not quite being in her mid 30s. about being okay with where she is and who she is and what she knows…for now.... she finished it with:

"now, your turn…"

so here i go with what i know about being not quite 30…

(this sort of reminds my of my "twenty-seven" blog so  i will try to not be repetitive.)

i will never own khaki pants. not ever. underline never.
i will miss my grandmothers for the rest of my life. and it's weird to say that (the rest of my life) but with certainty i will.
deep down i despise my cell phone. i wish i could survive without it. and because of it i cannot spell worth a shit anymore.

i love unconditionally 99% of the time.

my faith has been tested over and over and i'm not bitter about it.

i worry about things and then i try to pray about them more.

i am terrified to die naked. for real.

i am ok with being single. for real.

people have this weird saying "no regrets" and i think it's stupid. i regret a lot. and i'm okay with that.

i try to get a little bit closer to god every day.
i love to take baths, like almost every night.

i'm okay with the fact that i am still in college. still doing homework and still learning.
that my life today is significantly different from most of my closest friends. and that is okay.

i know apologizing is huge and forgiving is even huger! ya huger guys!

i've learned what is my business and what is not, and about 99% is not my business.

i know i am the luckiest girl in the world to have the mother i have.
my hair is the longest it's been ever in my life. i often say 5 more minutes of cardio then get off after 2.

i have yet to love as hard and as madly for a boy as i once did and i often wonder if i ever will again. and i can admit that.

patience. patience. patience….you and i have had a battle for most my life but i am learning to surrender to you.

friendship is awesome. family is everything.

even though i'm not quite 30 i hope that when i get there i will be as wise, as real, as open, as honest, and as beautiful as my friends who have gotten there before me (thats you linda).


if you're wondering who linda is….

click here: http://lindaontiveroz.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/two-giant-steps/

forgiveness

i think it's hard sometimes to not live in the past. decisions we make are often influenced by a once upon a time yesterday.

like an itchy tag we are annoyingly and continuously reminded of that one time when life knocked us down, when someone hurt or betrayed us, when a part of our being was chipped away by the uncontrollable.

the sad truth about our past (which not all of our past is sad) but the sad truth about the parts that are, the annoying itchy tag parts, is that we hold grudges and allow our hurt or sadness to radiate through to our future, affecting our actions and our beliefs.


we never really wipe the slate clean it's much easier said than done.
it's difficult to really 'let it go' and whatever 'it' is controls us.

it penetrates our soul, it consumes us.

it seems impossible to move away from the hurt, to rip out the itchy tag.
but it's not.


we have a way out.

we have forgiveness.


forgiving is the only way to 'let it go' it's the only thing that makes any sense.
we were not given a future if we were meant only to live in the past unable to forgive.

but forgiveness doesn't mean you forget about the times life knocked you down and it doesn't grant trust back to the people who have hurt you. all it does is make it okay that it happened.

we were given tomorrows so that we may forgive and move on and if you can't do that, then you will always live in a yesterday still annoyed by the itchy tag.

the longer we hold a grudge the less time we have to forgive and that means we have less opportunities.

less opportunities to forgive and move on.
less opportunities to grow and learn.
without forgiveness we can not truly live for our diminishing tomorrows because one day, without question, we will have less tomorrows and more yesterdays.
so forgive.